Let’s talk about false harmony.You know the type of meeting, the one that looks calm on the surface but leaves you frustrated, drained, and somehow no further forward. Everyone’s polite. Everyone nods. But no one really says what they think. No challenge. No progress. Just “smile and wave.”

We see this kind of dynamic all the time… in teams, projects, and even leadership groups. It feels like collaboration. But in reality, it’s something far more dangerous:
It’s dysfunction dressed up as unity.

The problem with 'nice' teams

Here’s the paradox:
The absence of conflict doesn’t mean high performance. It usually means the opposite.

In fact, false harmony is often a sign of deep dysfunction. It creates a culture where issues are buried, real opinions are withheld, and decisions are diluted into safe mediocrity.

It’s no different from relationships where “we never argue” is seen as a badge of honour, right up until the point where everything explodes.

Why?
Because unspoken tension doesn’t disappear. It builds.
And when it finally surfaces, it often does so in the worst possible way – reactive, personal, and damaging.

The two (broken) ways we handle conflict

In 30+ years of working with teams, we’ve seen two common and equally ineffective ways conflict is handled:

1. Avoid it completely: pretend it’s not there, stay polite, prioritise harmony over honesty.

2. Let it get personal: when tension finally boils over, it turns into blame, judgement and relationships get damaged.

Both lead to dysfunction. One is quieter than the other, but just as destructive.

So what does healthy conflict look like?

Enter Patrick Lencioni and The 5 Dysfunctions of a Team, a book we often reference at Advance. If you’ve not read it - add it your list.

Lencioni argues that high-performing teams don’t avoid conflict, they embrace it.
But they focus that conflict on the issue, not the individual.

It’s passionate debate, rooted in trust.
It’s challenge without judgment.
It’s saying the thing in the room that needs to be said, and being confident your team has your back.

But here’s the catch: that kind of conflict only happens when trust is present.

The role of trust (and why it starts with leaders)

Without trust, people don’t speak up.
Without psychological safety, they don’t challenge.
Without vulnerability, feedback doesn’t land.

Trust isn’t a buzzword, it’s the foundation of every difficult conversation your team needs to have but might be avoiding.

And trust doesn’t just appear. It has to be modelled, especially by leaders. That means:

• Admitting mistakes
  
  

• Being open about uncertainty
  
  

• Welcoming challenge
  
  

• Holding yourself accountable
  
  

Only then can teams move from “smile and wave” to meaningful, productive conversations, even when they’re uncomfortable.

Disagreement isn’t dysfunction

Let’s stop treating tension as a threat.
Disagreement doesn’t derail performance, it drives it, when handled with maturity and trust.

False harmony feels safe. But it’s not.

The teams that perform best aren’t the ones that agree all the time.

They’re the ones that care enough, and trust enough, to disagree well.